Coming Home

She stands at the ocean's edge. Her eyes closed, listening to the waves pound the beach sand. It is her siren's call. Her muse. It is her youth calling to her; urging her back home.

But only in her mind's eye.

She finally opens her eyes and gazes to the left and then to the right. She's heard people say how small they feel when they stand here. The vastness of the blue-green water. Not her. She feels a part of it.

She smiles and breathes in deeply. She feels its strength as the ocean touches her toes, tickles her. It's as if it is playing with her, inviting her, recognizing her. She feels its love as it rolls back into itself, leaving white foam in its wake.

Summers that have come and gone pass through her mind like the wind making her hair dance. It is why she comes here. To remember for only a moment. She is no longer young and her memory is ebbing away like the grains of sand on the beach.

However, the ocean will always call her. The ocean will always remember her name.

Calming the Frustrated Fingers of Fate

So, I'm wanting to start writing on a regular basis again. There's just one problem, I'm blocked. No no no!! Not like that (don't start sending me Bran Flakes). Writer's Block. It seems that every time I "prepare" to write something, nothing interesting pops into my head. Wait, that's not necessarily true. I have started to type in my little blank Word screen and then stop, blinking at the words and thinking how trivial they sound. I dunno, maybe it's the pressure that I put upon myself. I mean, how many times someone has described a scene or feeling or situation in the course of all of history!?? Right?? Then I how in the world can my insignificant self make those things sound infinitely cooler so that someone would want to read them??!!

I have even utilized the technology that is offered to us, searching the interwebs for writing prompts to help my muse. Apparently she/he must be busy with their twitter page because I still ain't gettin' squat. Remind me to google "replacing your muse" later.

Maybe in a weird sort of way, I have found the subject of my first blog post in a long while. Being frustrated. I do want to write. I want to write funny things. I want to write things that will make you feel. I want to write things that may even make you think. But I become frustrated, with my attention deficit disorder.....................wait, what was I doing?.......oh yeah, and my evil battle with procrasti. (NO!! I will not give in!!!), that I will once again, give up. The more I think about it, maybe it's not about frustration in finding things to write about but the frustration of giving up and not trying, which is something I do and have often done in my life.

I believe in my heart that writing is something I am supposed to do. So, in my roundabout way of psychoanalyzing myself, I have to become diligent about fighting that frustration, keeping my muse happy, and create some awesome stuff to read.

Holy Freud, didja see what I just done did there??? *giggles*

Aspirations, Leadership & Growing

THIS WAS WRITTEN YESTERDAY 4/19/09

Today I went somewhere, physically, mentally & spiritually. I wasn't expecting anything to be out of the ordinary. Just had a day off so I took up a friend on an offer to tour his place of work. My friend has been working as a contractor at this very well known company since October of last year & is deliriously happy. He cannot stop raving about it. He talks of the company providing healthy meals to its employees and guests, for free, everyday. He talked of the fitness center and opportunity to work with a personal trainer/nutritionist. He talked of working in a Christian environment. He talked of working with people that genuinely enjoyed what they did...every single day!! Can you say jealousy? oh yeah, major!!

Well, today I experienced IT. I felt IT as I walked the halls, peeked into conference rooms, stepped into and out of elevators and sat in the cafe. Wait a minute!! Hold the ever lovin' phone!! These people were happy. Glad, even. To be at work!! It was MIND BOGGLING!!! And no, it was not the Stepford world. Everyone we encountered had a smile on their face. Those we were actually introduced to warmly greeted us and told us how pleased they were that we had come to visit. Really? um, us? but we're nobody, I mean, we don't even work there. Just guests, come to visit a friend. But it brought to my mind, the common sense of it all. Keep your employees happy. If they are happy they will help your business to grow, they will produce for you, they will keep your customers/clients happy. It's a trickle down effect (give, help and enable, in all ways possible, for your team members/employees to do their job effectively). Not a sponge effect (micro manage to the point of unhappiness for your employees & still reap the benefit of profit but not share with the ones who actually DID the work) that I have felt and seen so many other companies do.

I was given several books today. One of which I started reading as soon as I got home and finished tonight (it was a quick read, only 125 pages). It's in regards to effective leadership. And while I am not a leader at my job, I found alot of what this book says I could apply it to my life and to the ministries and volunteer work that I am involved in. As I read, I knew that alot of what I experienced today had come from this book. Mostly because the co-author happens to be in a very huge leadership position at the company. It was refreshing to know that he practiced what he preached and that it was obvious that the employees took it to heart and practiced it too.

Am I still jealous? yes, to a certain extent. I had realized today that I had coveted his job and where he works. I wanted so bad to work where he does or at least a company like that (there are very few in the US that have the business practice and corporate overview that this company has). God showed me that while it's ok to want that for myself, it's not good to be envious of my friend that he does have it now.

I am still trying to sort out everything I am thinking and feeling from this day. Trying to understand what exactly it is that God is trying to reveal to me. I apologize that this post may seem vague right now. But I promise I will share what I figure out in the coming days.

The other man....

Hey baby boy,

Took you forever to get here. You came out lookin' alittle smurf blue. But all is good.

What? They call this colic. Oh my gosh, just kill me right now!! 2am drives around the city is just what I need.

Who is this smilin' sweet boy who greets me with a grin every morning? Cause you can't be the same baby that demanded relief of a gassey stomach a month ago...

Bud, ya gotta stop gruntin' everytime you want something. Use words!

Stop eating the dog food.

Yes, Power Rangers and Barney is the bomb! *bangs head on wall*

Can you just be quiet for just a little while?? The talking a mile a minute is giving mommy a headache.

Hey Little Man,

Starting kindergarten already. Look at you posing by the car while I take your picture, waving at me all excited about big kid school. No tears? You walked right in. Momma tears in the car.

Focus Ryan Focus...please just do your homework!

Middle School and hormones...what?...what I'm not ready for that yet. Wow! You are growing up so fast. You like to draw? ok...keep it up.

Focus Ryan Focus...please just do your homework!

High School...you as a teenager...this is just crazy. Didn't I just bring you home from the hospital the other day?

I don't know why you did what you did. That was not good. But we'll get through it. I am here for you always eventhough my heart is breaking.

Focus Ryan Focus...please just do your homework!

My goodness, your art! You are getting so good...refining your craft. I am so proud.

Graduate??? yes...that would be great!

Diploma!!



Hey my first born,

You made me a momma. You are forever my first valentine. :-) I cannot wait to see what more lies in store for you as you go into adulthood.

Valentine bloggy carnival

Forgot to mention that I am taking part in this:



at

We are that family.


Go partake and read other Luuuuuuvvvv stories! :-)

My Love

You - a single guy at 27, telling your mother that she may never have grandchildren and that you've given up on finding anyone to share your life with.

You - coming to work one day to find a newly hired receptionist. Who almost didn't get the job because she was late getting to the interview, but because the President and Vice President LOVED her personality, she was hired.

You - giving her attention, showing you genuinely cared about what she was talking about. And wasn't bothered by the fact that she already had a 9 month old son.

You - who wrote her love letters and stuck them under her desk calendar so she would have something to read every morning when she came into work.

You - who told her that you wouldn't persue an intimate relationship with her until she was absolutely and positively sure that she was in love with you. Although you were already in love with her.

You - who wanted to marry this girl and be a daddy to a son that wasn't biologically yours.

You - who didn't freak out (too much) when she found out she was pregnant again. 22 months apart isn't so bad. :-)

You - who sticks by her side even when she doesn't listen to you about spending money.

You - who loved her when she looked like a bald, hairless 10 year old girl because of the chemo.

You - who still thinks she is sexy despite the loss of her left breast. (and being overweight)

You - who thinks he's the one blessed with a wonderful wife but really it's the other way around.

You- who doesn't mind that his wife goes off with friends for a night or a weekend.

You - who hugs and kisses her every chance he has.

You - who tells his wife "I love you" all the time.

Equals

ME - a woman who cannot fathom her world without you.

25 Random Things About ME (thanks Patsy...for the idea!)

1. I've never broken a bone. (knock wood)

2. I won second place in my elementary school's spelling bee when I was in 3rd or 4th grade.

3. I have ran into a volleyball net. Most embarrassing moment of my 7th grade career.

4. I met my husband when we worked together at a credit union in Tampa, Florida.

5. Our new car is named Ruby.

6. I am still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up.

7. I was born to a teenage momma. She was 16.

8. My grandmother and I have a birthmark almost in the same spot on our right calf.

9. I have an addiction to Starbuck's mocha frappuccinos. You know the ones in a bottle you can buy at the store.

10. My grandmother raised two wild birds. A mourning dove named June and a mocking bird named Teet. When Teet was released back into the wild, he would come back and sing to us whenever we were sitting out in the screened-in porch.

11. I secretly want to move back to Florida.

12. I really really really wanted to be a Mouseketeer. This was back in the 1970's.

13. My first concert was Shaun Cassidy. Da doo run run run...da doo run run.

14. I love boiled peanuts.

15. I can talk like Donald Duck.

16. I still want to get my tattoo. :-(

17. English was my favorite subject in school. Most hated: Math.

18. I wanted to be a marine biologist when I was in high school.

19. I took tap/ballet, baton & piano lessons as a child. Yeah I was ADD before anyone knew what it was.

20. I was kind of a tomboy, wanting to follow my step brother around. So I climbed trees, helped build forts, played tag football and ran around barefoot alot.

21. I love being out on a boat, sailing through open water.

22. I will never go white water rafting again after being sucked out of my buoy boat into a rapid.

23. Our current cat was named Carly until we found out she was actually a he. His name is now Harley.

24. I was teased alot for being very fair skinned. Was called Casper. I lived in Florida. Yeah doesn't go together well.....

25. I love ferrets. I've owned three: Holly, Bear & Punkie have all passed over the Rainbow Bridge. :-) I cannot bring myself to own anymore.